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Quite frankly, I don't know nor do I really give a shit at this point. I do know that of all the afore mentioned life paths I've been down, the whole corporate thing was the worst idea. I just don't fit in that environment. In retrospect, the military was actually a good idea, but it seemed pretty shitty at the time. College was the best, but it's kind of hard to pay the bills by going to class. So, what do I want to be when I grow up? At 35, it seems like a pertinent question.

OK, let's take stock of what's happening and what's about to happen. I am still enrolled in graduate school, so there's that. In fact, one of my plans for the upcoming phase of my life is to concentrate on that a bit more. Just taking one class at a time is simply taking too fucking long. We're about to move to an area that will facilitate our getting by with one car. That being said, I'm just about to offload my beloved Mustang to a friend who's in desperate need for a new one. I'm going to replace it with a motorcycle, which will cut my expenses considerably. So, that will remove the need to chase the almighty dollar like so many sheeple get trapped into doing. Not that I disparage people for wanting to make enough money to live comfortably - a lot of people have families and other responsibilities that require a sacrifice of dignity. But that's just the problem. I don't have a family, I only have a wife and she's all grown up now and can take care of herself. It's just not worth it to me to be constantly reminded of how important my job is lest they take away my fancy car and palatial mansion. I'm through suppressing my sense of morality for the sake of accumulating more useless shit. At least, for now.

But, I'm still going to have to earn some sort of living. As much as the Mrs. would absolutely love to give me a free ride and keep me as the hot trophy husband, I just don't think that's fair. Besides, I'm sure she'd expect me to clean or something. Fuck that. Personally, I'd love to work in a bookstore or a coffee shop. I'm sure that anyone who has had one of those jobs will tell me how much they suck, but what else can you do the a BA in anthropology? Not much worth mentioning - trust me on that.

I have applied for a couple of actual "jobs," though. Not that I'm holding out much hope for them. It seems that I'm currently tailor-made for low-level corporate shit pump jobs. I'm overqualified for the mindless and fun jobs and I'm unqualified for the jobs that I think could have some meaning to me. Fuck it, maybe I'll just be a substitute teacher. From what I've read, it seems to have all the stress and misery of being a teacher without all that bothersome cash. Or I could quit being a lazy fuck and write my bestselling novel. No, according to Steve Jobs, people don't read anymore. What an asshole.

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How many times have you heard someone say, "I want to be married by 25, have my first child by 27, and be making $75,000 a year by 35″? Doesn't it seem like that person is taking all the spontaneity and fun out of life by reducing it to a series of events that may or may not occur? What happens if this person doesn't make of the self-imposed guidelines? Will they consider their life a failure? Unfortunately, I've seen this happen more than once.

Society seems to tell us where we're supposed to be at any given moment in our lives, be it in work, family, or education. When people see someone deep into adulthood working a $7.00 an hour job, silent speculation of where that person went wrong is often the result. If you go to a club and you see a man in his late 30s to early 40s, he's instantly labeled as being "too old" to be in there. Why? Why do we assume that someone's life is in the shitter simply because they don't earn as much as someone else? Why do we cut ourselves off from what was previously enjoyable just because we've seen a certain number of years? Personally, I don't go to clubs anymore because modern music sucks, but that's just me.

I'm not saying that this stuff has never bothered me. Turning 30 was difficult for me because I was in my second semester of junior college and it was just a little odd. Of course, that was before I adopted this current philosophy. My entire life has happened later than society says it's supposed to, but I'm fine. I joined the navy at 23, I didn't start college until I was 29 and I didn't graduate until 32. Now, at 35, I've turned my back on a good paying, but completely unfulfilling job and I have no idea what's next. My evil and heartless wife and I have decided not to add to the world's overpopulation, so the whole family status marker is out. We're doing what we feel is best for us and fuck everyone who can't get over the fact that age simply does not matter. Well, it matters when it comes to things like broken bones, but that's a different story.

In short, do what you want when you want regardless of everyone else's self-imposed age limits. A lot of people say that your teen years are the best of your life. I completely disagree. Those years are filled with needless drama and social awkwardness. Plus, you're still under the dominion of your parents. I say adulthood (regardless of decade) can be the best, if you let it. You're on your own and you don't have to ask permission for shit. If you want to go out and act like a kid, do it. If you want to go buy a convertible or a motorcycle, do it. If you're spouse says you're too old, kick him/her in the crotch and run. And don't worry about what other people say. If they're too limited in their vision to understand that you are not your age, then that's their loss. Fuck 'em.

P.S.: Oh, and in response to what my mentally deficient wife posted about me be self-conscious about my age - she's wrong as usual. I don't like birthdays because that's a time when people pretend they give a shit about you when they really don't. I'm not one of those narcissistic fucks that expects everyone to drop everything just because I came flying out of my mom's crotch on this day. I'm just not the attention whore that most people are on their birthdays. That being said, happy motherfucking birthday to me.

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Here's the part where I say something hackneyed and trite like, Dictionary.com defines happiness as... Well, Dictionary.com defines happiness as:

1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

Lame.

So, happiness is being happy. Fine - definition #1 is completely useless to me. Definition #2 may be of some use, though. Good fortune - so something like winning the lottery can make you happy? I guess so, momentarily. It seems like I've heard one too many stories of how winning the lottery ruins lives, though. So, while I'm sure the winner is ecstatic at first, the lifestyle change that a sudden influx of several million dollars facilitates is often too much for a person to handle comfortably. That's not the kind of happiness I'm looking for.

What about pleasure? Well, again that seems all too fleeting. Sex is pleasurable. A cigarette is pleasurable. Watching a girl slip and bust her face on a treadmill while trying to answer her cell phone is pleasurable. But these things are all too ephemeral to justify turning your back on a lucrative and secure position in a large American corporation. No, I need more if I'm going to get closer to what I'm looking for. Incidentally, this is where the great American philosopher Denis Leary says that happiness is found. I'll withhold judgment for now.

Contentment - ah, contentment. We may be on to something here. This is what I want - to be content. But, what does that mean? I used to think contentment would come from leading an interesting and adventurous life. After six years in uniform, five continents, and countless islands, I was so desperate to free myself from that government-sanctioned slavery that I regularly hoped for a minor maiming, like the loss of a pinky finger or toe. Nope, that wasn't it. Maybe knowledge would be the key. So, off to college I went and I was happy there - for a while. But the life of a college student in his thirties with a wife is one of constant financial strife. No, obviously I need money to be happy. So, I took my little degree in the arcane and useless and headed off into the "real world." Surely, not having to worry about money and having enough extra cash to do the things I want to do, like travel, would bring me sublime contentment. I bought a decent car and took myself to Rome before figuring out that I'm fucking miserable.

So, here I go again on my own (with wife in tow). I'm turning my back on a healthy income because my job leaves me drained and hollow and I refuse to put up with it anymore. Somewhere between the ages of 32 and 34, I lost sight of my childhood fantasy world. Not that I think I'm going to have any luck finding a job as a secret agent/archaeologist that runs a private investigation firm on the side, but I refuse to play the role of corporate tool anymore. I'm currently finding contentment with the knowledge that I have the nuts to say, "This isn't who I am, so fuck you." When I was in the navy, I promised myself that if I ever found myself that miserable again, I would walk. I'm keeping a promise to myself and for that I'm currently very happy.

Who knows what the future holds? Will I actually find that elusive contentment that I've been searching for most of my adult life? Probably not. I definitely won't find it if I don't even know what I'm looking for. But, like Socrates and Meno discussing the definition of virtue, I haven't come to a satisfactory definition of happiness and I didn't expect to. I have listed things that I know happiness does not come from and that's a good start. Like the last 35 years of my life, I'll just make things up as I go along - it's worked so far.

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As I've said before, I am not a philosopher. However, as someone interested in the subject, I thought I'd look for groups of like-minded individuals to further my philosophical studies. After all, the dialectic approach is an excellent way to broaden one's understanding of things. A Google search for "Philosophical Society" delivered a host of choices. Now, I wasn't surprised to find that some societies are a bit choosy when it comes to membership. Groups such as the American Philosophical Society are by invitation only and that's understandable. But, they do draw from every conceivable field of study, which is staying true to the spirit of philosophy. However, groups like the American Philosophical Association are a different story. Below are the requirements taken directly from their site:

Regular or International Associate membership is open to persons whose training in philosophy has been advanced and systematic enough to make them competent to teach the subject at the college or university level and/or to persons with special achievements in philosophy. To qualify for Student Associate membership, persons must be actively engaged in the study of philosophy at an accredited college or university.

So, basically you have to have a PhD in philosophy, or be enrolled in the organized study of philosophy at a university. So what about everyone else? Would this group tell people like Descartes to take a hike? What about good old Socrates? At what point did philosophy cease to be the love of wisdom and become a pretentious clique for ivory tower academics only? Are they saying that wisdom cannot be gained by the study of the arts and literature? What about history and human culture? What about the mathematics that was so dear to so many philosophers in the past?

There's another point I'd like to make. Considering that so much importance within philosophy is given to the ability to find new ways of thinking about issues, it makes sense that some of the best philosophers would come from outside philosophy departments. How can you expect a person to think originally when all they've studied is how their predecessors thought? Doesn't strict instruction in how to read and interpret philosophical writings extinguish the flame of free thought? The "love of wisdom" is reduced to writing what your professor wants to hear so that you can pass the class.

But, all is not lost. There are groups out there that endeavor to bring philosophy to the masses where it belongs. The Society for Philosophical Inquiry is one such group "devoted to supporting philosophical inquirers of all ages and walks of life." There is also the Dallas Philosopher's Forum, a group that organizes philosophical discussions that are designed to engage the academic and the Regular Joe - now, that's good shit.

In short, I say we all need to study a little philosophy - or a lot of philosophy. This is not some arcane and dead discipline that has no bearing on modern life. This is life. You engage in philosophy everyday, whether you know it or not. Don't let a bunch of effeminate elitists tell you that you don't have philosophical worth - you do. Philosophy is a living, breathing entity and it belongs to all of us, not just those that have had their creativity systematically squashed by chasing academic accolades.

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